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If you’ve ever tried to tell a toddler what to do, you know exactly what happens next.
You say, “eat your vegetables,” and they stare at you with that determined look and refuse to open their mouth.
If you’re really lucky, they might even missile launch a piece of broccoli your way.
Or if you’ve tried telling a drunk friend they need to go home and attempt to herd them into an Uber at 2am.
They suddenly decide they need McDonalds, to make friends with a group of random strangers outside a club, find the friend they haven’t spoken to in 10 years (who lives in a different country), attempt to tell the street cop the one time they almost got arrested…
ANYTHING, but get in the Uber.
It’s as if the very act of being told what to do flips a switch in their brain, making them want to do the exact opposite.
Now, while (sober) adults are certainly more sophisticated, this principle holds true no matter what age….
We don’t like being told what to do!
Regardless of what Hollywood movies lead us to believe, demanding someone to do something usually doesn’t get us the result we want.
This is because human behaviour is heavily influenced by the need for autonomy and freedom of choice.
In fact, civilisations have fought and died for this for centuries.
When someone tries to limit these freedoms by telling us what to do, our inner rebel (yes, we all have one) kicks in.
This reaction, known as reactance, is our mind’s way of resisting constraints on our freedom – or what we perceive as freedom.
It triggers an emotional response that makes us want to reclaim our independence, by… you guessed it … doing the opposite of what we’re being told.
Apple’s 1997 “Think Different” campaign and “To the crazy ones” commercial is a historic example of embracing reactance to engage their audience.
The campaign celebrated rebels, non-conformists, and visionaries, encouraging consumers to defy the status quo and choose Apple products over the dominant PC alternatives.
The underlying message was that Apple users were free-thinkers who didn’t follow the crowd.
This appealed to individuals’ desire for autonomy and non-conformity, using reactance by positioning Apple as the choice for those who resist mainstream pressures.
When marketers issue direct commands, and make people feel like one way is the only way, it can feel like an infringement on these needs, leading to resistance – often deterring people from taking positive action (not always, but increases the likelihood).
💸 THE “LIKING” EFFECT
Now, if you’re like me, you probably appreciate when someone understands where you’re coming from.
This is called the “liking effect”.
When we feel a connection with someone—when we think they’re similar to us or share our values – we’re more likely to be influenced by them.
It’s human nature, we like people who are like us.
If we were having a chat, instead of saying “You need to do it this way,” I reframe it to something like, “If you’re like me, you want to invest wisely to avoid future headaches.”
You’re nodding along, thinking, “Yes, I am like you.”
Suddenly, it’s not just my idea – it’s OUR idea.
We’re now in this together, making the decision feel collaborative rather than a directive, increasing the likelihood of positive action and engagement.
💸 GIVE PEOPLE CHOICES
Instead of telling potential clients what to do, offer them choices.
This approach respects their need for independence and makes them more receptive to your message.
For instance, instead of “Hire us to improve your SEO,” say something like “Explore how our SEO, content marketing, or social media services can boost your digital footprint.”
It’s like offering a menu instead of just one dish – people love options.
*note – be sure not to overwhelm them with too many choices though as this will have the opposite effect and can cause decision paralysis.Three is often the sweet spot.
💸 USE IDENTITY-ORIENTATED CTAs
Persuasion is about guiding rather than dictating.
Highlight benefits and create a narrative that lets the audience see the positive outcomes for themselves.
Instead of “Buy Now”, try “See how our service can increase your revenue”.
It’s less “Eat your vegetables” and more “Here’s how delicious and healthy these veggies are.”
This approach aligns with your audience’s identity and values, making the message feel more personal and compelling. By tapping into their self-perception and aspirations, you create a connection that feels collaborative and empowering, rather than directive.
Want to know what to say to get your way?
Learn about the “Power of Language” in my APRIL BLOG.
💸 PROVIDE AN ESCAPE VALVE
One effective way to avoid reactance is by giving people an out.
Saying something like “Feel free to say no” can significantly reduce resistance.
When people are given the freedom to choose, their brains process this as a sign of respect for their autonomy.
This approach lowers their defensive barriers, making them more open to considering your suggestions.
By acknowledging their right to say no, you empower them, which can paradoxically make them more likely to say yes – strange, I know!
However! It’s crucial to balance this method with maintaining confidence in your offer. Be clear and assertive about the value you provide, ensuring that the option to opt out doesn’t come across as uncertainty about the effectiveness of your solution.
Truly knowing and understanding your audience means you can speak their language, resonate with their needs, and sidestep that inner rebel.
It’s the difference between sparking genuine interest and hitting a brick wall of resistance.
When you really get them, they’re not just listening to what you say – they’re ready to take action.
So, hop to it and start implementing these strategies in your marketing today.
Jokes… do whatever you feel is right.
P.S. Want to learn how you can get closer to your audience and design marketing that speaks to their heads, hearts AND wallets? Here’s how I can help:
THE fACE BEHIND “TAKE MY MONEY”
I’m a dog loving, tea drinking extraordinaire, and the ultimate geek when it comes to all thing’s marketing, consumer behaviour and buyer psychology.
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